Communication

Mike and I recently had a really rough week with some situations. We went through some sad times and God really brought us through. I talk a lot about our communication and how hard we work at it and the pay offs of that hard work. I tend to get very frustrated with some people and their lack of communication, but I was hit hard in the midst of our situation.

One morning last week I was driving my commute into work worshiping and praying through a river a tears. We had been hurt deeply. We were both just crushed by some things. I was listening to Misty Edwards "Servant of All" and I realized that I have completely fallen short in my communication with Jesus. I mean, I pray all the time. I talk to him all the time. I feel that I am obedient and I know when he's talking to me. I love to intercede for others. Intercession is one of my spiritual gifts and I just love it! BUT, I have not been listening. It's not like I have not been hearing him, it's that I haven't been having a conversation with him.

I kept singing over and over, "I wanna be with you where you are." I sing this to Him all the time. But He was singing it to me this time. The part in the song where she sings, "You've got to go lower, if you want to go higher" makes so much sense. We have to get on our knees, lower to the ground in humility in order to get higher and closer to Him. It's that simple.

So with this situation -- I have been dealing with it for nearly 15 years. I've been hurt on and off for 15 years. I seriously thought I had given it go God several times. But as I look back, I have prayed and wept and wept and prayed countless times and yet I have formulated my own thoughts and words and emails that I would like to say/send in response to these hurts. I never have done it, but I have always thought, "If I just let them know how it feels". And then God puts a bandaid on my heart and I move on.

This time God spoke loud and clear to me. He said, "Are you going to let me take care of it this time, Jeni? Are you going to let me handle it this time?"

It was the first time in 15 years that I physically heard his begging. I laid it down and was immediately covered in peace. Many times since this moment, I have tried to pick up the hurt and anger again, but I make the choice to know that God can handle this situation without me! Go figure! As a matter of fact, he can handle it better without me! And it's amazing how the hurt is gone. I know He's done something. I don't know exactly how He has handled it, but I trust that He has.